Coming to Terms with What You Bring to the Table

I recently made some major decisions that has and will not only affect me, but it will also affect my family as well and these decisions have had me questioning whether or not I have anything to offer this life since these decisions were strictly about me changing and transforming me from what I've been to what I believe God has called me to be.

Last night I rented a movie called Revolutionary Road, starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio. The movie in itself has some significance to this blog, but I think the way I ended up renting the movie in the first place is just as intriguing as well.

First off it was almost 11 o'clock at night when I decided to abruptly get out of my bed and go to the store to either get a chocolate muffin, or some Oreo's. I was reading a book entitled "A Man After God's Own Heart", when I drifted off to sleep for about ten mintues. When I awoke, this craving for something chocolate was sparked or should I say re-sparked. You see, when I left church yesterday, someone gave me three muffins to share with my family, 2 chocolate and one carrot spice. As soon as I got them I handed them off to my wife because my pastor had just asked me to pray for someone in our church with him. Mind you , this has never happened before, that as I walked out of the warehouse where we worship on Sunday mornings, my pastor met me with a handshake, as he does most people who leave out of that door after service, but this time he leaned into me and said, "I want you to stick around a while and pray with me for someone". I not only felt honored to be recoginzed, but to be recognized as an asset when it was time to pray for someone. That was a very humbling, yet very exciting feeling. I was stoked that on the church level, I would get a chance to operate as a contributing part of that ministry. Come to find out, my pastor didn't invite me to pray with him over this young man, but to pray over this young as he and another pastor stood in support. Needless to say, God knows what each of us needs and when we need it. Because even though the young man knew he needed prayer, God knew I needed to feel like I had something to contribute to His body, He used that moment to remind me that I do have something to offer. And believe it or not, that isn't even the crux of this blog, because God was using the events that followed this one, to prompt the late night chocolate run and even more purpose being discovered. Well back to the muffins. When I got to the car after the prayer session, I was shocked to see that my wife had given the muffins to the children without any instructions other than, hold these for me, but what made the situation a situation at all is that my children happily chose to eat both of the chocolate muffins, as my wife says to me, "I thought they were all chocolate". I thought the desire for a chocolate muffin would eventually pass, seeing that I had no idea that I would be receiving them in the first place, but for some strange reason, I found myself putting my clothes on at 10:45 at night saying to myself, "Forget this, I need to go get something chocolate".

I ended up going to the 24 hour Wal-mart where I decided on Oreo's instead of the muffins, but as I left I went over to the Redbox just to see what was there. Nothing much at 11:30 at night, but there was this one movie that caught my eye and I settled on the aforementioned Revolutionary Road. The story found in this movie was about a couple in the 50's who had fallen into the rut and routine of the mundane. Being a young couple of 3o something, the wife presented her husband with the idea of pursuing his dream of returning to Paris and finding his purpose while she worked and supported the family. He received this proposal, and was just as excited as she was to finally make a decision, and begin to live again.

Enter in my intro, and the decisions that I prefaced at the start of this blog. My wife and I just recently made some similar decisions back in April of 09. I walked away from a teaching job that I was absolutely unhappy with, and we decided to walk by faith. Having had a recent history of dissatisfied working expereinces, my wife recognized and really urged that I reassess working from home even if that meant she found her first job outside of the home in 7 years. Just like on the movie, the excitement and thrill of the unknown consumed us and all we could see was the necessity to grab hold of really living while it was still yet in reach, before things had progressed for too long and we became too indoctrinated by the ugly indifference of the common, the average, the settled.

If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend it even though it IS NOT a children's movie. It does include some sexual situations, some brief nudity, and profanity. The emotions in this movie are raw and very real to what I have experienced as a result of my decision, including some doubts about the decision.

But the one thing that I pray is different in my approach to my decision as opposed to the main characters of this movie, is that I have the courage and fortitude to escape the hopeless emptiness that acccompanies a life that has reserved itself to one of indifferent insignificance. I thank God because He has been reminding me, even up til yesterday at church that I do have something to offer this world, and the Revoltionary Road was a wake up call to the pitfalls that can befall someone who has finally stood up to say, "Here is what I bring to the table Lord; a willing heart and the courage to stand up and step out. And Lord please use it to make a difference in my world and the world around me".